The Driftless Shifter

Hello Blogees and Blogettes,

I promised myself I would not say the word blog or pun-like versions of the word blog in my blog, but I have broken that promise. 5 times in this post alone.

So my last post promised that this post would talk about: My dichotemy. But four months later, this post says to the last post... Whadthufukizmydichotemy??? Therefore, a change in topic will be made... once I think of something to write about.

First thing that comes to mind...

If you are reading this blog because you went to Google and typed "George Bush" or "eating a kitten", please leave a comment. We could be great friends. If you are reading this blog because you went to Google and typed "George Bush eating a kitten", I beg you to leave a comment. We could be great lovers.

The second thing that comes to mind is that I need to show you something...

So I'm back at school, back to school and school projects. The professor for my photoshop and illustrator class, a Mr. Brian Sikes, has a thing for the Dada artist Hannah Hoch. And he also has a thing for adding parenthetical remarks for a touch of humor, which makes me ooze with smiles. The title of this project was Ch(hannah)ling Hannah. We had to recreate one of HH's works via photoshop. I don't know the name of the piece I recreated... oops. Note the uber Kansas Cityness. This was per request of one of my roommates whom I also call my boyfriend (on holidays and special occasions).

And then there was another project after that one. Which also involved parenthesis in the title :)

To Sleep Perchance to (digitally) Dream. That was the title of the project Mr. Brian (Hamlet) Sikes requested we complete next. We had to create a dream-like scene. I honestly don't dream very much... and remember it. And no one wants to see my Lethal Weapon reoccurring dream, so I made up a dream. It involves illustrations from The Laugh Book, one of my favorite books, coming to life. This is technically not the final version, but that won't be done til the end of November, so. Yeah.

Starting next post! Free cookies to everyone who tells me they love me :D


Buns and Zombies

Quote of the Week: "When Christ return, we feed people with celery."- Mr. Buns

Quote of Many Weeks Ago: "For thirty years, I not know whether I am man or woman. But I find out. I am man." -also Mr. Buns

The conversations Mr. Buns and I have... are often nonsensical, even to me. But sometimes they are cool. The other day he told me about three huge, hand carved statues of Buddha that were in Afghanistan; one of the three was even taller than the statue of Liberty. But the statues were all bombed and destroyed by the Taliban, and he was so disappointed that they would destroy something that was created with great labor for a great purpose merely out of anger. I thought that was a tragic, but precious story. Then moments later while I was doing the dishes, he came around the corner, said the quote of the week, then walked away. Straight from sensical to non-sensical in less than a few minutes.

So long time no blog, right? Well here's a recap of the weeks we've missed. Papers and projects. Thousands of bagels. Sleep and no sleep. Mooovies!

Also during the time we have not spoken to one another, an interesting happening happened. I was watching "I Am Legend" on HBO... yeah yeah cable!... digital conversion try and get me now! I'd never seen "I Am Legend" before, but several people told me what it was about; however, I was still frightened. Towards the end of the movie, Dan came over cuz we were about to go to the gym. As the movie ended, and the zombie cries faded from the tv speakers, but I could still faintly hear the zombies' cries. Dan became silent, then looked at me, and clearly he still heard them too. But from outside! We figured it was a protest though, not a zombie apocalypse. So we left for the gym early in hopes that we'd catch the scene. Sure enough, there was a hoard of people walking down Halsted, signs and megaphones aplenty. It was around the day that Prop 8 was repealed and that's what they were protesting. The protestors were holding signs that said, "I can't vote NO to YOUR marriage" and "DOMA = Epic Fail". Not gonna lie, had to google DOMA (defense of marriage act)... and once I did, I felt silly cuz it's pretty obvious given the situation. The protestors were heading the direction we needed to go, so... Dan and I joined the protest in order to skip two traffic lights. I felt it wasn't shameful for two reasons: 1) The moment I jumped into the protest, I was committed. I boldly chanted with the crowd, "Gay, Straight, Black, White, marriage is a civil right!" And I meant it. 2) Though it was our intention to only remain in the protest briefly, every second of support is helpful to the cause, right? My Ethics professor would be proud... hopefully.

Also. I've listened to Copeland's "You are my Sunshine" roughly 2.3 million times in the weeks we have not spoken.

Next Blog's Topic: My dichotemy.


For U Mom

I told tales of putting pictures on this blog, and today is the day it starts.

In my 3D Foundations class, our first assignment was to create a cardboard chair. Basic guidelines: Chair must be able to withstand our own weight (because we had two weeks, crash dieting seemed like a good idea). And we could only use hot glue and two sheets of 30"x40" cardboard. Though I made a lot of different sketches, I narrowed it down to two: An orby looking chair, or a chair of books and papers and other random things you can pile up and sit on.

I think it's pretty clear that I chose to make the chair of books and such. It now sits atop my refrigerator, not as a means of display... but that does seem fitting because it's where a lot of student art projects end up. But because I actually own a chair, it does not currently serve a functional purpose in my apartment. I want to keep it and possibly use it as a side table in the future. For now, however, it remains atop the refrigerator, kind of on display, but mostly so I don't step on it or accidently destroy it.

Thus far, I have enjoyed 3D foundations more than 2D foundations, if only there was a 4D foundations class. I'm sure that class would be out of this world. Mwaha. Ha. I've definitely been planning that joke since the beginning of this blog.

Now for two interesting stories from this weekend.

On Saturday, Dan and I planned a typical trip to the gym, but while walking to his apartment, I called and requested that we stay outside cuz it was all sunny and nice. Dan's apartment is right next to the lake, so we jogged on the path next to the lake from his place all the way downtown... which I think ended up being about 2 miles. By the time we got there, it was dinnertime and we was quite the hungry. The first place we found that we thought wouldn't kick us out for being in our sweaty, jogging clothes was a hot dog place. I got a turkey burger though... and it was juicy and not too hot and therefore delicious. While there, we found a picture of a dog that looked like our assistant manager in dog form. It was uncanny. We started to jog back, but that didn't last. But as we walked the rest of the way home, we got to have a nice, long chat and chill alongside the lake. Pretty cool evening. And we decided to buy bikes. Cuz bikes in Chicago lead to a good time.

The next interesting story came when I left for work the next morning. Because I leave for work a little before 2 in the morning, I get to see the bar-goers as they're cooling down and heading home. I passed two guys and a girl smoking outside of a club, and one of the guys tapped my shoulder. This is actually not uncommon due to the increased social-ness that alcohol often brings. But this guy said, "Hey... I know you". That's not as common. I turned to him, studied his face as well as his friends' faces, but nothing clicked. So I grumbled a half asleep "uuhhh", shook my head, and continued walking. I could hear him talking to his friends, saying "she thinks I'm crazy", and then he tried it again. "Beltrice?" I don't remember the exact name he guessed... but it did begin with a 'B' and it was not a common name. I turned back to him, shook my head again, and kept walking. He talked to his friends again, then yelled "I've got it! Einstein Brothers! Evanston!" I was shocked! He really DID know me. I turned around and gave him a nod and a thumbs up. Haha. I laughed about it randomly throughout the day. He must be a frequent customer, but not a regular... cuz I'd recognize a regular. He doesn't really know me and I don't really know him, but we're very aware that each other exists. Somewhere, he's out there. I'm sure of it.

Food for Thought: I wonder if anyone has thought to name their child Stan, but spell it Sdan so their child's name backwards would be "nads".


Grievances of the Third Estate (2009 version)

Good Morning All!
And Good Afternoon too!
You ready to read my list of grievances?
... No?
Ok, then skip this baby and wait to read the next blog.

This morning I only had paper 1 out of 4 completed. Then I went to my first class. In my first class, I was reminded that I have another paper due next Tuesday. I took one step forward, and then was pulled right back! However, I finished another paper awhile ago and now I am up to 2 out of 5!

That feeling of working and working but never really accomplishing anything is wretched. I don't feel that way with my art projects or when I do creative writing. I definitely feel that way with papers though... they serve no greater purpose to me besides allowing me to pass my classes.

But I also feel that way about my job, which is unfortunate because it takes up the majority of my time. My job takes a toll on my personal self worth. My personality is largely to blame for that, however. Because if I am given a job, I want to do my best and I want to push myself to create the best result I can give out of respect for my employer. However, I personally do not respect my specific position. Though bagels are delicious and important to many people's breakfasts, they do not hold a position of importance or high regard in my mind. Sorry bagels and bagel lovers. So I work hard... cuz someone is paying me (which I really appreciate) to take care of something they truly care about and I would hope someone would give me the same courtesy if I were paying them to do the same. However, I work 40+ hours and commute 10 hrs per week and accomplish... just money... (Luckily I have made good friends too).

Money is more of a necessity than an accomplishment in my opinion. Friends are delightful. And they have honestly been the reason I have enjoyed my year of bagelness. The interesting stories have kept me coming back for more as well. But. Two of those three things have changed in the past month.

My friends are all leaving. The bagel world has shit on them too many times and they are ready for a detox and a fresh start at a new job. The busy season has started and the bad stories now outweigh the good. And money is not important enough to keep me at Einstein Brothers for much longer.

I had an interview yesterday at Ann Taylor Loft on Michigan Avenue! Though I don't have retail experience, I do have managerial experience, and that's always a plus. Will I get the job? Answer unknown. But the possibility keeps me hopeful. Obviously, it's no career, but I actually love roaming from menial job to menial job. I learn so many fun stories and meet lots of new people from my menial jobs. I also gained a whooole lot from working those menial jobs. Case in point: Marcus (Auntie Anne's) Dan (Einsteins).

Solution to my work grievances: Restricitons. Part-time. No more full time. And no more long commute. I'll only take on managerial responsibilities as long as my other restrictions are not compromised. And that's it! Too simple.

I know that once these restrictions are met, I'll be content with my menial job once again.

Dance of the Day: The rigaudon! Also spelled Rigadoon, it is a sprightly 17th-century French folk dance for couples.

Everybody git yo' rigaud-ON!!!!!


Font talk and Regular talk

Have you ever thought font names sounded like people names? Some of them probably are. Who knows what kind of people they were and why they had the priviledge of having a font named after them. I have my speculations...

Courier was born and raised in Wales. This is a little snippet of his life in 1817; he was 17 years old: I have lived a privileged life, for my father is a wealthy nobleman and we have never been without enough money. My mother,a wretched tyrant of my education, makes sure I have only the best tutors and will not allow me to eat supper til I am through with my studies. Mother did allow me some fun as a child; cricket was my game of choice. None of my peers could deny my skill on the cricket field. I believed I should have been the captain of my team when I was in my fifteenth year, but my coach was a horrible prat and chose another boy a year older than I for the position. I quit the team and devoted my time to my studies. You won't see me near that daffy game again. Unfortunately, mother has become increasingly more controlling of my affairs since I quit. I do hope she allows me to spend time in the country this summer with my cousins. Though it is likely that she will not, and I will spend my summer in the study, practicing penmanship.

A likely story, eh? I should put it on wikipedia.

So, I said this entire post would consist ENTIRELY of font talk, but that just isn't going to happen. These past few weeks have been too full, I need a little blog time to update.

To start, I've been harboring a homeless person in my apartment for two weeks now. Last night was his final night of homelessness; he'll be moving into an apartment this afternoon! Good for him. I suppose it's only right that I mention this homeless person is not a stranger. And that he is also gay, so Marcus did not frown upon him sleeping in my apartment for two weeks.

Some of the low points of the two weeks: In an attempt to pass off the keys from him to me during a period of time when we were both busy, Dan hid my keys in a cup in an alley. The keys and the cup were never found. $75 was spent getting new keys, boo. Then there was the night I had to make a functioning chair out of cardboard; scratching, scraping, and cutting are not easy noises to sleep through I am told. Yes, those were the low points.

High points! One night we both woke up randomly at 2 in the morning and turned on the tv just in time to catch the last half of Sweeney Todd! We also declared that the crazy lady who sings about "mischief! mischief!" is indeed, Dan's reincarnated in a musical character... well, her mixed with a little Macy Grey. More high points have included several trips to the gym in an attempt to become healthy... ish... and dancing to Passion Pit.

All in all, I'm going to miss the homeless man who has been living in my apartment. Though I'm sure I'll see him around.

Word of the day: Sinification
Meaning: To sinicize
Used in a sentence: I would use the word sinification more if I knew what it meant to sinicize.


You ain't no Einstein

Einstein Brothers Bagels in Evanston, Illinois has been through a great deal of changes. I started working there last May. Of the ten other people who worked with me then, only one remains: Mr. Buns. Nope, not a nickname. Barjees Buns and I are the only two survivors of this past year's Einstein Bagel drama. There are too many interesting stories about the people I used to work with and why they no longer work at Einstein Bagels. I'll tell you a couple.

Let's start with Barry. Barry was once a great athlete and could have any woman he wanted, or so he told me. Everyday in fact. But Barry was a victim of his own conceit. One day he decided to buy a cat for a girl whom he admired, even though she was someone else's girlfriend. This act lead to the event that would form Barry into the man I knew. The boyfriend was not pleased with how his girlfriend received her precious, new kitty, and he wanted Barry to know that his gift was not acceptable. So he found Barry, but first he found the bat he would hit against Barry's head. Once the two had been found, Barry's life changed forever. The details of this story are blurred; Barry was very forgetful, which he blamed on the beating. Through it all he still remained very conceited. Appartently a good beating doesn't change everything about you. His final day at Einstein Brothers involved the police, accusations of physical abuse, stealing, and excalmatory phrases such as "Racist Bitch". If you're gonna go, better go all out, and that is most certainly what Barry did.

Barry was fired merely a few weeks after his good friend, Kelly, quit. Quitting can be subtle way to bow out or it can be a means to leave a job for something better. Kelly did a mixture of both. Kelly became our baker at a time when we desperately needed his help. He was a little unfocused, but that didn't really matter, as I said... it was a desperate measure. Unfortunately, our General Manager was a little quick to hire him due to the desperateness of the situation, and she did not perform his background check straight away. Once it came back, it was confirmed that he was indeed a felon. And therefore he had lied on his application. But. Einstein Brothers was still desperate, and he kept his job. No, Kelly left Einsteins out of his own free will. A girl he had been seeing, but didn't really like, was given 5000 dollars from her very wealthy uncle. He heard this news and realized how much he liked her. However later that night while they were hanging out, he forgot just how much he liked her when he left her and Chicago with the 5000 dollars. We needed a new baker after that night.

They were crazy characters. I kinda miss 'em.

*SPECIAL*: The next blog will consist entirely of font talk. Font talk is probably not what you think it is... Or maybe it IS what you think it is.... You'll have to read it to find out.


A hodge podge

As we get older, I think it is our duty to further investigate the rhymes we enjoyed so much as children. Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dumpty had a great fall. First off: Humpty. Who would name their child Humpty? Especially if their last name was Dumpty. Though... it wouldn't be the first time a parent knowingly gave his/her child a rhymey name... fjdksal;bradleypadley.hfiodsa. I'm thinking Humpty's issues did not begin on that wall. First, I think we must ask... Why was Humpty on that wall in the first place? Was he teased at school with the other eggs because he had a rhyming name so he felt lonely and unloved and wanted to escape? Or maybe Humpty enjoyed solitary moments... possibly he had a poetic soul. I don't know, but I am sure there is more to Humpty than the rhyme lets on. Think about this further... and I'm sure you'll agree.

So I didn't blog yesterday. I am very sure that will happen again cuz, you see, Gary has clarified that the final screenplay we write will count towards the pages we have to write each day. This gives me a little leeway. WoOOop! But I have a question:

MEGAN AND SARAH: Hi!! How do I follow your blogs? I have consulted two people after trying to figure it out myself, and sadly have not figured it out. Please do not be ashamed of me.

Tonight Marcus and I attempted to make chicken nachos. And overall, I'd rate the resulting nachos as a 6. We both agreed that the recipe we used left the nachos a little dry. Next time we make them, we intend to use a little more cheese, Doritos instead of tortilla chips, and sour cream. Mmm. Because of our quest to make chicken tacos, I now own my own skillet, a very large sharp knife, and a baking pan. One thing living on my own has altered is my birthday wish list. I intend to ask for a George Foreman-esque grill for my next birthday. Ooo, and a waffle iron. Waffles and grilled cheese for everyone!

Topic starter for tomorrow: Einstein Bagel news...!


Loving the little things

So how's about Iowa, eh? As you've probably heard, if you're gay and you and your partner want to be considered a legal married couple... Iowa is the place to be!! And Vermont too I guess. My Ethics in Cinema and Video Games Professor said that the process of amending the Iowa constitution to disallow(?) gay marriage will take at least 3 years. So Iowa will be a hot spot for quite some time. And maybe Vermont too.

I figure a good bit of national news is essential to a well-rounded blog. I hope to add more in the coming days.

As for today's blog, I'm afraid it's gonna run a little short. Thursdays are my 8:30 am- 9:15 pm class days and I'm a little worn out. But today was an all-around great day. A great day for me consists of a handful of small, fun things happening unexpectedly. This is why today was great:

1. I did a load of laundry, mailed a letter, and took at the took out the trash all before I left for class at 8.
2. I accidently crossed the street when I had actually been on the right side of the street, so I took the opportunity to go to the gas station I ended up in front of and bought myself a tasty treat to eat during my first class.
3. The people who sit at my table in my Art class and I all get along really well though we've only known each other for 4 days of class time. We laugh and have a jolly good time.
4. I made a hand kite during my art class with extra paper from my project.
5. My Ethics class had a sub today and he was a comedy writer. Ethics made humorous is a delight.
6. I ate THE MOST delicious ham sandwich during a 15 min break in my last class.
7. And when I got home, my man Dan called me and is now over here for the evening. Sleepover wooo!!! Braids, giggles, and girl talk hehe! Or something like that.

Good evening to you my friends!

Topic starter for tomorrow: Childhood rhymes.


What's in a name?

Today's starting topic is focused on the title of my very own very new blog.


What in heaven's name IS Lage you ask?!?! I'll give you the low down. It's very simple. This blog is my webpage. My name is Lauren. Take the first letter of my name, "L", mix it with webpage... and you get Lage!

Ok. Technically, it should be something like Lebpage or Wauren. But the first one doesn't roll off the tongue very well. And the latter sounds like I have a speech impediment or am mocking those who have speech impediments, which would be dishonest or just not very nice. So Lage it is.

Mixing words like that has always been entertaining to me. The words that are created are like candy for my ears. Take the color wheel. What if, instead of creating new names for the secondary colors: orange, green, and purple, they had done the word mixing technique. Orange, aka yellow mixed with red, would be Rellow or Yed! I prefer Yed cuz it sounds like a hillbilly name... however either is way better than orange... boo. And green could be Bellow or Yue(the "l" was removed, you can choose these letter removals at your own whim, it's the beauty of the mixing technique). And Purple, pah, who needs purple when you can have Bed or Rue! And can you just imagine the tertiary colors... Yellow-Bellow! Blue-Rue! Red-Yed! I think it's safe to assume that if the word mixing technique had been used in the case of the color wheel, we'd have a great deal more artists out there.

I'm looking forward to adding unexpected twists and turns to this blog, but the twists and turns are hinging on my camera... which is currently inoperable. So once I have a charger this thing gonna be out of controllll yeaaah!

So far so good. I'm taking baby steps to making this blog represent me as best as a webpage can represent a person. For now there are just words and that's good enough. Months from now I will look back at this blogs, sigh a good sigh, and remember simpler days. But now I look towards a grand, colorful future. This gettin cheezy.

Welp. My phone's a-buzzin, telling me it's time for me to clean up and get ready for a visitor. So goodbye dear friend...(s)(Maybe soon there will be more than just the one)... Peace easy.

Topic starter for tomorrow: Iowa be crazy!


And this is how it all came to pass.

Five days ago my Intro to Screenwriting professor, known formally as Professor Novak... though he prefers Gary, gave our class an assignment. We are each required to write 2 pages a day about anything. It is an assignment that is supposed to help us free our right brain for the creative process. Ahhh yes. I feel the liberation beginning already. To give us a taste of what we could expect out of this process, he asked us to whip out a piece of paper and write non-stop for a minute or so. This is what I wrote:

What time is it? 7:27 pm. I'm a little hungry even though I just had a turkey sandwich and cinnamon teddy grahams. I remember one time in fifth grade we were told to write whatever we wanted for 5 mins. in our journal and I wrote that I saw Conrad Hoek picking his nose. I wrote other things too, but that's all I remember. That was my mildly interesting story for this freewrite. Now I've got nothing. That's the thing about freewriting... I learn at the end of them how boring the majority of my thoughts are. If there was a class on learning how to never think a boring thought, I'd take it. My daily life would be a great deal more interesting. Then again. My thoughts may not be boring to others. I've just heard my own thoughts a gajillion times so I'm immune. Maybe that's why crazy people mumble all the time. Maybe they think their lives will be more interesting if they can get feedback on the thoughts in their heads. I don't have any more room on this side of the paper. Should I turn it over or will he say stop soon? Welp. He didn't say "stop" in time. I've turned the page and am now

No clue what I was about to write. He said "stop" and I don't remember what I was thinking. However, I do know what I thought about the "2 pages daily" assignment...

I thought to muhself. "Cool! I've kept a journal before, this assignment will just bring back that habit." But then another thought crossed my mind. "Hey, hmm. Maybe I should do something that'll challenge me more." Then it occurred to me, "I've always been horrible at maintaining a daily internet anything. Xanga. Facebook. Never kept up with them. I can start anew with this assignment! I'll start a blog!"

So. 3 goals for this blog:

1. Keep the posts within the 2-page requirement (Gary says he'll accept 1 page typed, yipee!). This-a way it'll become something easy for me to maintain after the assignment is over. (This goal will be the most challenging cuz I'm a rambler).

2. Cut loose and have a blogging good time.

3. Free my right brain from my left brain so I'll make Gary really proud of me!

That's all for today. Topic starter for tomorrow: "What in heaven's name does "Lage" mean?"